The Voice Weighs in On Bush and Dick

The Voice of The Voice: Candid and Probably Politically Incorrect Meanderings on President George W. Bush's 6th State of the Union address before a Joint Session of Congress.
By Nicholas Yaekle

Article II. Section 3. “. . .He shall from time to time give to the Congress information of the state of the union, and recommend to their consideration such measures as he shall judge necessary and expedient; he may, on extraordinary occasions, convene both Houses, or either of them, and in case of disagreement between them, with respect to the time of adjournment, he may adjourn them to such time as he shall think proper; he shall receive ambassadors and other public ministers; he shall take care that the laws be faithfully executed, and shall commission all the officers of the United States.

I decided at the last minute (I mean, I was opening OpenOffice Writer as the Sgt.-at-Arms of the House announced to Speaker Pelosi that the President was coming) to write an “As-I-Watch” commentary on Bush's speech. There is no literary order to this, just some observations on what CBS aired.

Cool. He's giving Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi her props as first female speaker. Historic.

Who knew Nancy Pelosi was so hot?

Is it any news that Teddy Kennedy looked drunk, or at the least “drowning” in a pool of his own somber drool?

But John McCain too? He could barely stand-up. Maybe he thought he was back in 'Nam.

“No Child Left Behind” is good, sayeth Bush Jr? Yeah, unless you're the school district left to pay for its massive unfunded mandates.

Meet my needs with private health care insurance? My Cobra is $847.00 a month. That's a big chunk of change.

Too many figures with the income tax shit.

Barack and Teddy, sitting in a tree. . .

Dude, not sure who you are but lay off the tanning bed for a while.

Within my reach, on health care? Within my reach, would just out of my reach.

Jew Leiberman. Go to hell, Indy.

There's a picture of EOE. A black, a whitey, and a Asian.

Health plans. Health care. Reduce costs. I've been hearing this since at least 1988.

Junk lawsuits? Yeah, like when a doctor leaves a scalpel in your chest or accidentally gives a hysterectomy to a kidney transplant patient.

John Kerry: “I gotta stand, but goddammit, I should have won! I DID win! Fucking Ohio.”

Laws and border, borders and law. Double the size. So they don't sneak in. Terrorists? Yeah, like the switchblade toting Mexicans that pick avocados and then kill their “masters.”

Melting pot in the same section as closing the borders?

Are we saying, love the Mexis but send 'em home?

How is this not discrimination? “Give us your tired, your poor?” That sounds VAGUELY familiar.

Uh-oh. Here it comes. Give a shout out to your Texas oil baron buddies. Dependence on foreign oil too. . .there is was, time one for nucular. . .great. Yee-haw.

Ethanol? Gotta thank Iowa for their 3 electoral votes. Or 4, whatever.

Wind energy and solar energy mentioned. That'll be the last we hear of that until next year.

Reduce gas by 20%. I suppose by keeping the Mexicans out, we'll reduce gas.

Grassley giving the props for the Ethanol remark. Gotta keep the farmers happy.

Light trucks. Even a wanna-be redneck gots to get the trucks into the speech.

Double the SPR, he asks Congress. Where are we going to get the oil?

Better stewards of the environment? Global climate change? Did he just acknowledge global warming? Alaska?

Gimme a swig of that good old H2O, in unison, so say Bush and Cheney. Hit his defibulator there, Madame Speaker.

Federal bench. Prompt up or down hearing on the floor. Yeah, let's circumvent the Constitution.

Why not? The Patriot Act did it.

Here it is, September 11!

Huh? Terrorists live here, why aren't we attacking ourselves? Take the fight to the enemy?

Bush looks more comfortable with public speaking. While not good speaking. . .

Did someone smack Sen. Susan Collins ( R ) Maine in the face with a 1x6 or is she just a pug?

Stop yawning, Marine. You're sitting behind the First Lady of the United States. Although I perfectly understand the sentiment.

Cheney's having a heart attack! Oops, sorry. He just lifted his ass to fart.

Pelosi's saying, “My God, what did he eat?”

Nary? Did he just say “nary” instead of narrow? Sounds like my late grandmother.

Pelosi's suit is beautiful. Lovely and refreshing mint green. Kinda like having a Democratic led Congress.

Totalitarian ideology? Two big words? C'mon, you've been reading Reader's Digest word game, admit it.

Dominate the middle east? You talking to Israel? You should be.

Obama's giving someone the bird. I'd say Teddy but he knows Teddy'd probably jump at it.

Where's the Saddam mention? Give a dic(tator) his props. Maybe you'll get a quarter point bump off this. You need it, dude.

It is your duty to protect the American people. Protect us.

Max (my son) heard Bush say duty and thought Bush had shit his pants. (Doody?)

Society is where each man and woman makes his own choices, you say? Then how about letting gays and lesbians deciding whether they can marry.

Condi's thinking, “C'mon, you're doing fine baby. You don't make no mistakes and you can gets you a piece of this phyne black booty, Big B. Holla.”

Somebody in the audience just screamed. Teddy's grabbing some ass, again.

Or Bill Clinton's lurking in the wings. Waitin' to go back over to the White House and see what “damage” the Bushes have done and what they'll have to fix once they're back in the West Wing. (God, I miss President Bartlet, Leo, C.J., Toby, Josh, Sam, Donna, Margaret, Will, and the rest of the gang. Any other The West Wing fans ever wonder how President Santos and Josh are getting along?)

12 million Iraqis voted. How many are there in that country? I'm sure its getting lower. (Okay, I checked it after the “speech” and as of July 2006, the total was about 26,700,000. So about 44% voted. Just about as bad as those that vote in America. Jeez, didn't take them long to learn that their votes didn't count.)

Who's the black lady in front of Bush taking dictation? Isn't this recorded like in about a million ways? Why does she need to take it on a Dictaphone?

He hasn't messed up many words. . .except nuclear. If he said it right now, I think I'd be pissed.

Do the American people really give a shit about Iraq and Afghanistan and Lebanon? How about paying for college for those that need or want it or for those that wish to go back to school can and keep their job, house, family, car, or whatever else they would lose if they had to give up the money.

Iraq, Iraq, Iraq, Iraq, Iraq. Dum-diddle-diddle-diddle-dum-diddle-I.

Here is the troops resurgence. Democrats say they're going to be respectful. In fact, Madam

Speaker demanded it. A woman's place is in the House! True-dat! Let's be respectful to the men and women you're wanting to send into harm's way for whatever reason. You've already “avenged” your Daddy and killed Saddam and most of his violent family. Move on.

4000 more Marines.

Don't applaud General Pace. You want to lose more troops?

They know its not open-ended (Iraq)? Then they need to put a little wiggle in their ass.

Cheney's having another heart. . .never mind, he's just falling asleep. He must think he's Tip O'Neil.

Does Cheney have “the palsy?” Or did that dude shoot him back?

Success? Do we want success in Iraq? Tell me how grevious it would be. Extremists on all sides.

The whole region has been extremists for what, three, four thousand years? Bomb the fuck out of the middle east and let's move on (dot org.)

Biden. He's not taking notes. He's passing a tic-tac-toe game back and forth with Teddy Kennedy. But I think Teddy's drawing nipples on the Os.

Wipe that smirk off your face.

“You did not vote for failure.” No, but they DID vote for eliminating Saddam's weapons of mass destruction! Oops, he didn't have any. My bad.

I think Cheney's still back there letting off some weapons of ass destruction.

War on Terror? Let's get it on with Israel and Iran, then, while we're at it.

Show our enemies a broad? So now we're buying hookers for the Iraqis?

Weak applause. Or was it canned? Probably coerced. Republicans don't even look too happy with the guy representing them.

Increase the armed forces by 95,000 in the next five years? Sounds like he's gonna reinstate the draft.

The Volunteer draft sounds like a good idea. But why would an expert voluntarily leave the private sector at say $100,000 per year to go to the “Volunteer Draft” at $18,000 per year? Its no Peace Corps or Americorps.

Good job, Bush. Palestine needs their land. “Who got the Jews out, hoo-yah?”

LEARN THE GODDAMNED WORD- PENINSULA! Not Pen-in-shure-ler.

Cuba? Oh, Fidel's on his death bed and now you're wanting an olive branch.

Darfur's been doing commercials during the NASCAR race, huh?

Hunger. Poverty. Disease.

Fight AIDS in Africa where the “innocent” are dying but fuck the fags in America who got it from butt-fucking? Sounds about Bush-like.

Now malaria? In Africa.

Debt relief? Yeah, give foreign countries debt relief but tighten the bankruptcy laws in America so Americans can't get out from underneath.

Shout outs. Oh, here is the basketball player. Bush is sooooooo stuttering on his name. Laura comes to his bottom rib. He's happy he got a shout out from Bush. I'm happy for him. But that little Chinese lady's saying, “Don't step me, don't step me. Hurry up and buy.”
Baby Einstein lady. $200 million dollar business. From the works of others? John Walsh shout out. AMW Fifteen minutes of shame.

Julie-Aigner-Clark. Did your daughter get her shirt from T.J. Maxx? Sorry, shouldn't pick on the kids, but really. Lavender “silk-like” sateen poly?

Cool. Wesley Autrey. The jump on a dude on a subway guy. Is it just me or should Subway restaurants grab this guy for their advertising? This dude IS a hero. I can say I wouldn't jump on someone. He reached out to shake some hands and spread some love.

Pumping gas in Kentucky. Sgt. Reimen. Used his body as a shield. Chest and arm shots. Refused medical attention and stayed in the fight. Fired grenades. Silver Star. Indeed! Another hero. Too bad Bush was never a hero. The Joint Chiefs lookin' proud! He better get a call from Pete for that shit.

Decent and honorable country. It was, until that fateful day in December 2000 when the Supreme Court decided a presidential election.

State of our union is strong?

God bless (throw out the hands like you're doing yourself on SNL).

Cheney: “You missed thanking me for shooting that dude. I'll spank you later.” Scowling.

Bush's approval at 28%. All-time low. For a president or just for him? Methinks Nixon's in hell cheering him on, so that Bush will beat him for ratings levels.

You get what you vote for.

Man, Peter Pace has a big nose.

Bush working the crowd like a carnival huckster. Only not as smooth and convincing.

Did Condi just grab his dick?

Trent Lott : “Get this god damned nigger out of my face. Where's Strom?”

Who's asking for an autograph? Man, Liz Dole used to be pretty? Who's she helping down? That's not Bob. She scoping out a new man? The Viagra not working anymore? Personally, I think Bob Dole could fist her pretty damned good.

Bush needs to go to Clinton's LA hairdresser and get that wiry mess under control.

I think someone's telling Bush how to spell his name.

He needs a drink. He wants to get home and watch American Idol on the TIVO.

Getting her picture taken with the Prez. Man, she's got a strong hold on him. Then she kissed him. If that were Bill Clinton, Hillary'd be down there in a, a. . .New York minute! She's back again, grabbing the President and getting as much face time with him as she can. I guess she's a freshman Congresswoman from Minnesota.

All these people getting Bush to sign their programs. You watch, half these will be on eBay by midnight.

I think Senator Byrd looked like he was going to kick a little ass. As soon as he finds his white sheet and pointy-hat. And his grandpappy's still. But hey, West Virginia, despite its rugged terrain, has some of the best roadways in America, thanks for funding secured for them by their senior, senior Senator. And besides, are there really that many of "the blacks" in wild, wonderful West Virginia?

Someone needs to tell Bush he needs to get a new dresser. That tie was awful. And I've already mentioned the wiry mess on his head, but its worth mentioning again! A little dab-ll-do you!

Ok, the Democratic Response
Sen. Jim Webb (D) Virginia
Freshman – from the Mansfield Room

He looks like a character actor from some 80s crime-drama like Matlock.

7th time Bush has mentioned alternative energies in his speeches.

Look into the camera, Jim, not sideways.

Economy is good, for the rich. Average CEO makes 400 times more than an average worker. It takes the average worker a year to earn what a CEO earns in one day. I ask you, are they really worth that?

White collar professionals are beginning to understand what blue collar workers have been dealing with- job loss to foreign countries.

Good job Jim, quote Andrew Jackson. Father of the Democratic Party.

Mismanaged war. Unneeded. Iraq is dangerous.

Pulling out the props. His daddy in Germany. Nice story.

I wasn't so sure about this guy delivering the response, but he's pretty impressive.

Quoting Teddy Roosevelt, a Republican. Good move.

Shoes shined. Nice suit and tie. Well groomed. Possible presidential contender in the future.

Katie Couric, God bless her. She's just not credible. She looks like she should be talking about cosmetics with some gay hairdresser who has a new line on QVC.

Bob Schieffer, while he's older than Moses, is much more credible.

The Politico. http://www.politico.com/

All this, and no one mentioned what could be the most significant piece of history that died today: Perhaps one of the last remaining pieces to the assassination of President John Kennedy- a potential bum photographed at a train in Dallas on a certain day in November in 1963- who was later possibly identified as E. Howard Hunt, later of Watergate break-in fame, died today. He was 88, or so he says! The New York Times didn't mention it, but at least Reuters did.

And another thing. For years I've been microwaving my dish sponges to rid them of bacteria. Sometimes even boiling them in salt and vinegar water. Didn't know if it worked, but figured it wouldn't hurt. So now I see that today University of Florida researchers say that microwaving sponges helps to kill bacteria! Where's my scientific contribution notation?
In all, Bush's State of the Union wasn't the worst. It also wasn't the best. He wasn't too surprising and made no new policy initiatives or directions. Like the rest of his presidency, basically lackluster. All talk, no game.

Some interesting, and not so interesting facts concerning the United States State of the Union addresses:

-The first State of the Union message was given by George Washington in 1790. It was also the shortest message (833 words).
-The longest State of the Union Message was given in 1946 by President Harry Truman. It was over 25,000 words long!
-President Franklin Roosevelt gave 12 State of the Union Messages – more than any other President.
-President Calvin Coolidge was the first President to give a State of the Union Message over the radio (1923).
-President Harry Truman was the first President to give his State of the Union Message on television (1947).

And as a special treat, I've also looked up the approval ratings of all presidents since Truman as they left office. Its funny, that “moral degenerate” Bill Clinton ranks higher than Ronald Reagan!

End-of Presidency Job Approval Ratings

Bill Clinton (2 terms, D, 2001)
65% VP Gore (D) wins popular vote but Bush (R) wins electoral college vote
Ronald Reagan (2 terms, R, 1989)
64% VP Bush (R) defeats Dukakis (D)
Dwight Eisenhower (2 terms, R, 1961)
59% Kennedy (D) defeats Nixon (R)
John F. Kennedy(partial term, D, 1963)
63% (VP) Johnson (D) defeats Goldwater (R)
George Bush(1 term, R, 1993)
56% Clinton (D) defeats Bush (R)
Gerald Ford (partial term, R, 1977)
53% Carter (D) defeats Ford (R)
Lyndon Johnson(1+ terms, D, 1969)
49% Nixon (R) defeats Humphrey (Johnson did not run) (D)
Jimmy Carter(1 term, D, 1981)
34% Reagan (R) defeats Carter (D)
Richard Nixon(partial term, R, 1974)
24% Carter (D) defeats (VP) Ford

(Its funny to note from this official list of exit ratings that Carter's approval was so low. I wonder what his approval rating would be now?)

A note to readers:
Any racial epithets herein are observations as to what said person might be saying, thinking, or doing. These are drawn from past experiences or unsubstantiated rumors from these persons. No offense is intended. I'm not Michael Richards or Mel Gibson. Although I think that a person not in public office should be able to say what they want, whether they mean it or not. I think that's why I generally oppose hate crimes legislation.

A Year of Loss

Governor Ann Richards-Texas (D)

September 1, 1933 to September 13, 2006

The Voice has been absent from here for sometime now and a more thought out tribute it forthcoming, but I would be remiss if I didn't take a short second to remember the life of a woman who is sure to become one of America's most beloved political personalities, moreso posthumously than in life.



Governor Ann Richards provided spice, variety, wit, plain common wisdom, savvy, know-how, progressiveness, frankness, spirited leadership, and colorful national attention not only to the arena of politics, but to the courage of American democracy throughout the world.

While decidedly unfairly defeated by a Karl Rove George W. Bush political machine, Governor Richards went on to become a national player on the Democratic commentary scene appearing numerous times on Larry King Live and as a political analyst.

Governor Richards, we miss you already. What with the death of Lloyd Bentsen and you, where are Texans, and Americans for that matter, to turn when we need a firey Texas Democrat?

God bless you, Governor Richards.